The War of Life

Human's biggest enemy. The kryptonite of self-improvement. The thing that is responsible for more pain than all poverty, disease, and erectile dysfunction. (At least according to Steven Pressfield.)

What is it?

Have you ever tried to start a diet, gym routine, creative endeavor, spiritual practice, or difficult conversation, only to fail and not follow through? If so, my friend, you have experienced what Steven Pressfield calls "Resistance." We all have, and unfortunately, we will continue to do so until the end of our time.

Before we tackle it, let's define it a bit more. Half the battle is finding who the enemy is. By recognizing it, we can arm ourselves with the necessary tools and tactics to fight it.

What is the connection between not being able to quit smoking, avoiding starting a gym program, quitting a creative venture, and not being able to stay consistent with an eating plan? Well, it's a force, a force that we have all experienced in one way or another. We can't see, smell, or touch it, but we are constantly battling it, whether we know it or not. Its aim is to push us away, distract us, and prevent us from doing our work. And by "work," it's not just our careers, but also the work we do on ourselves and our relationships with others. And that is what resistance is.

And you might think, "Why does this exist? Why aren't we just wired to do these hard things that will surely make our life easier?”

One possibility is that our brains are designed to resist change. The reasons go back to our biological hardwiring: our brains are wired for homeostasis.

When you do something difficult, your brain will usually associate it with pain, and our survival instincts are designed to avoid pain.

Our minds are exceptionally good at fooling us. Self-deception is a widespread skill among all human beings. We are great at coming up with excuses for why we shouldn't do something, imagining all the things that could potentially go wrong, and all the things that could embarrass or defeat us.

Okay, so how do we fight this seemingly invincible enemy?

Part of growing up is being able to assess our current situation, environment, people, vices, beliefs, and question the impact of those things on our lives. What can one do to improve daily life by a tiny bit? How can we make life more enjoyable, so that when we go to bed, we are not paralyzed by dread and angst about the next day?

Taking ownership of absolutely everything in my life has been very valuable to me. Instead of wondering why someone else is achieving something I feel I deserve, I realize that if it hasn't happened, it's because I haven't taken the necessary steps to achieve it (even when I have had extra obstacles in my life that others might not have). I don't deserve anything just because I want it. Taking responsibility for all of our actions and not blaming the world for anything is essential.

Resistance does not arise from the outside; it is the enemy within.

Resistance is the best deceiver, the best negotiator, and the greatest salesman of misery.

Resistance is not out to get you personally; it is a force of nature that acts objectively.

Resistance can be used as a guide. The more we feel it, the more important the thing we feel it towards is.

Resistance has no strength on its own. Its fuel is our fear of it. Master that fear, and we can conquer Resistance.

But how can we distinguish the self-deception tactics our brains deploy whenever we try to do something hard from actual good reasons why we shouldn't do something? We might start rationalizing, but as far as I am aware, rationalization is our lizard brain's best weapon to stop us from pursuing a difficult endeavor.

Procrastination is the most common form of resistance. It's easy to rationalize since we don't tell ourselves that we're not going to do "x"; we just say we'll do it tomorrow. However, in reality, we don't put it off until tomorrow, but rather until our death bed. - intense music effect -

I tend to rely on instinct, follow the steps of those I admire, and take advice from Alex Hormozi - “What would a person 10x smarter than me do in this situation?”

Acknowledging progress and taking time to celebrate little wins, to let our brains know that what we just did is worthy of a reward.

Of course, it is impossible to achieve every difficult thing we start. The more things we try and fail, the more we learn from those failures. That's the spice of life, as it is never black and white.

Everyone's journey is different. We walk on paths laid out by those before us, and occasionally we stray and experiment. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't. Some of us get lost, while others find their way early in life. Comparing our journey to that of others can never bring true joy to our lives. Doing so may lead us to believe that we're not achieving enough, or that we're achieving more than our peers, which is ultimately meaningless. It may feel good to stay on track with those around us, but when we compare ourselves to others, we're entering their game of life with rules and experiences that don't and can't apply to our own. Relying on external sources to bring a large part of your joy in life can be damaging and counterproductive.

Good luck with your battle with Resitance this week 🙂

Lots of Love

Koko

P.P If this resonated with you, I highly recommend reading "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. Most of the ideas I discussed here were taken from the book.

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