When sh*t hits the fan

It finally happened. I missed a newsletter deadline. Quite the hectic week.

Today (friday) was when me and my girlfriend were meant to be leaving for our 4 week road trip. Been planning for months, taken time off work - today was meant to be full of excitement. Instead it was quite the opposite.

About 6/7 weeks ago I applied to get a spelling error fixed and my address changed on my driving license. A process that should have taken maximum 2 weeks...

My initial request was denied due to an admin error -> which then followed by my license getting lost in the mail -> I then reported it as lost and had a new one issued and guess what happened. IT GOT LOST IN THE MAIL AGAIN. wtf

One detail I left out was that I did not tell my girlfriend about the missing license until two days ago (Wednesday), as I thought it would arrive and everything would be fine. As you can imagine, that did not go over well with her. I was not her favorite human being for a short while, let's put it that way.

As today we were meant to leave and my license still hadn’t arrived I essentially had to report it lost again and begged the DVLA to somehow help me. They are fast tracking one to me which should hopefully arrive on tuesday or wednesday (tune in next week to find out what happened (and if my girlfriend hasn’t killed me)).

Now obviously this has put us in a very awkward situation. We don’t want to just waste away and be miserable in Mondon, so we decided to book a last min 4 day trip to Marseille while we wait for the license to arrive.

However, whenever life gives you a situation like that, it is very easy to feel defeated and like a victim. It is a good excuse to let go of all our good habits and do things because we feel sorry for ourselves - takeaways, etc. (I got fish and chips last night and, tbh, no regrets there.) But what I am trying to say is that when we are hit with a situation like this, we can easily be overwhelmed by our emotions, whether that be anger, sadness, or frustration. It is most important to keep our heads high, put our emotions aside, and put on our problem-solving hats. We need to think more rationally to see how to fix the situation.

Sometimes I think that all the self-help stuff I've done over the years is a bit of bulls*it and that it does not amount to anything. It feels like this because the results of the self-help really show themselves when things go wrong and life gets tough. Luckily for me, life hasn't been too tough, so that's why it feels like the self-help isn't really helping me.

However, situations like this confirm for me that it is not for nothing.

The knowledge and ideas I have gathered over the years from all the self help books, podcasts etc. allow me to think more rationally, make better decisions, and generally improve my moral compass on how to deal with situations in the most appropriate, meaningful, and successful way possible. This allows me to work through my negative emotions and persevere in a way that is more positive and helpful to me in the long run.

The fundamentals of Stoicism teach us that it is completely pointless and a waste of energy to worry about things that are beyond our control. I should not dwell on the fact that my license has been lost in the mail twice in a row, as it will achieve nothing aside from making me feel angry and frustrated. Instead, a much better use of my energy would be to sit down and think of ways to still enjoy my holiday.

Since reading about stoicism, I have come to relate to it and realize that I have followed many stoic principles without knowing it. However, what has been particularly helpful is that reading about stoicism has solidified these principles in me and taught me the importance of having a set of base rules to follow, not only in difficult situations, but also in my day-to-day life. By having a rule book on how to make decisions, I feel more confident in my choices.

Here are my 2 main rules.

1. Emotions are important to acknowledge, but they are often temporary. When making decisions that will have long-lasting effects, it is essential to recognize emotions but set them aside when it is time to make the decision. One strategy that helps me is imagining myself in third person and viewing the situation objectively, as if I am not personally involved. This approach provides me a clearer perspective on the best course of action in that situation.

2. The harder option is usually the right one. I don't know why life is like this, but in my personal experience, if I am unsure about what to do in a situation, the more challenging option tends to benefit me more in the long run. This second rule works hand in hand with the first one because, quite often, the harder option is simply to ignore your emotions and think rationally.

I am finishing this newsletter on Monday (when you should receive it) and things are now going well. I followed my rules and they have paid off, not perfectly, but at least my girlfriend does not want to chop my head off anymore :)

Tune in next week for an update on driving license, and my wellbeing.

lots of love,

Koko

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